Why Jidenna Represents the “New” Alpha Masculine

Welcome to a new world where we have a celebrity musician helping to define what the new masculinity should look like going forward. Instead of recycling the old narrative of manhood and relationships, Jidenna raised the ante and the bar for what it means to be a man and face the most challenging pain that a man can ever face – his internal insecurities around women and his worth. On his August 20, 2019 interview on the Breakfast Club, Jidenna was essentially challenging us as men to get past our mother issues and bring balance back to our relationships. Is it balance or sanity? I think it’s both, actually. He made a profound statement that most men wouldn’t really understand. 

He said,

 “What kind of man am I to tell a woman that you can’t be with someone else when I’m out here with someone else?” ~ J

I know most men don’t understand what that means, so allow me to explain. There’s a thing called equality in life and relationships that says whatever rights and privileges a man can have, a woman should also have. Whoa!!! That’s crazy, right?! The blasphemy to speak about equality during a time when black people on a whole are still looking to get equal treatment from police during standard roadside pullovers. Isn’t that funny how we see the gross inequality in one area, but can’t seem to see it in other areas? Incredible.

“If I want something there’s got to be some balance.” ~ J

What he’s saying is this – if he’s dating a woman and he’s going to continue dating other women besides her then she should be afforded the same privilege. How did he afford her the same privilege? This is a big one, ready? He told her the truth and said he supports her in doing the same thing he was doing with no conditions or questions asked. Crazy, right? 

Jidenna was describing his last relationship where him and his girlfriend were polyamorous; meaning, they were consensually non-monogamous. That’s what polyamory essentially is – the freedom to date others while also maintaining a committed relationship. In polyamory, everything is above board and in the open. It’s a fairly new relationship concept in modern, western culture, but it’s been gaining popularity very quickly over the past few decades. The concept is actually very old, but just not here in western culture.

The dominant relationship style in modern western culture is “monogamy” or sexually exclusive relating where each partner “promises” #lmao to engage in sex with only one another. In addition to sexual exclusivity, “monogamy” also includes being emotionally and intimately exclusive with your partner as well; meaning, there is no sharing of deep feelings, thoughts, or needs with others (especially, those of the opposite sex). This is the relationship format that governs our society today. There’s only one problem with it though – cheating runs rampant in monogamy and monogamous marriage; upwards to sixty percent plus, which means there’s also rampant lack of trust and lying taking place in these relationships as well. Over all, it’s kind of a mess, but it makes great material for Tyler Perry movies and soap operas over the past forty years. Without rampant cheating in monogamous relationships, we wouldn’t have shows and movies like Cheaters, Catfish, Divorce Court, Temptation, every soap opera you can think of, The Affair, Fatal Attraction, and the list goes on and on and on and on until the break of dawn in this mf. #lmao

Ladies and gentlemen, what Jidenna is suggesting is essentially – integrity. He’s saying, whatever I can do, you can do. He’s saying, let’s be honest about our needs and desires. And guess what he found out as a result? He found out two things: (1) he was actually able to be closer to his girlfriend than they were before and (2) he had some serious insecurities to work through when it came to jealousy. He said, him and his girlfriend actually got closer when they were in a polyamorous relationship, which makes all the sense in the world because they were able to relate past the lies that are often the foundation of monogamous relationships and just keep things one-hundred percent real with each other. But something else happened too – he realized he had growing to do inside of his masculinity. 

“That pain I felt was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. Worse than a 26 hour tattoo or getting shot.” ~ J

It was immeasurably hard for him to offer her the same rights inside the relationship that he wanted for himself. He went through the worst pain he’d ever gone through. Worse than a twenty-six hour tattoo in one sitting and worse that getting shot as a six year old boy back in Nigeria. Wow! That’s some pain. That’s some deep, emotional pain that most men just aren’t used to facing and dealing with. #facts That’s that “mother issues” pain that most men run from and even choose to practice violence before wanting to face it. A man will cheat, go into polygyny, lie to his wife and children, act violent and abusive towards her, or even take himself out (i.e., suicide) before facing that pain. It’s emotional, deep, and there’s nowhere to run to escape it. You have to go through it and come out on the other side. But guess what – you come out better and stronger as a result. As Jidenna said, you become closer to your woman as a result. That’s what growth is about and Jidenna understands this life journey is all about growth. 

I know there are a number of men out there who think that cheating is what women really want because they want to protect her heart from the truth of a man’s sexual nature, but that’s just a cop-out. It’s fake news. If you believe her nature is to be sexually exclusive to you then give her the option to do what she wants to do with her sexuality and body. She’ll just choose to be with you only, right brother? #lmao Hilarious!  Then there are some men who believe that polygyny is the natural order where one man should have many wives and those wives should be sexually exclusive to him. Again, fake news. If that’s the natural order, give your women the option and see what they do. Exactly! Hilarious, yet again!

“Ask any woman who’s been in a polygynous relationship, they didn’t enjoy it. Any woman who’s ever been cheated on – they didn’t enjoy it.” ~ J

He saw this first hand because his grandfather had seven wives and when he looked at them in a picture, he saw they weren’t happy in that predicament. It is what it is.

What was also on display during this interview was the incredible insecurity being displayed by Charlamagne tha God and DJ Envy. These are men who are in monogamous marriages for over twenty years each and men who chose to be serial cheaters. What does that mean? It means, they chose not to face their inner insecurities and mother issues and hide from their wives instead of offering them the same relief they were seeking for themselves. It’s funny how people who’ve spent most of their life practicing infidelity suddenly come out as strong proponents for monogamous marriage after they’ve been caught or when their sex drive starts to dwindle. #lmao There’s no strength in what these two brothers were displaying during the interview, but props to Jidenna for keeping it one-hundred.

It’s not just about a relationship style, but a choice for us as men to challenge our insecurities and relinquish our flawed logic around women and freedom compared to what we choose for ourselves. 

“These are the steps we’ve got to take as men. It’s not easy. It’s not for the weak. But, women have been doing it [putting up with men cheating and still staying in the relationship] for thousands of years. We’re [men] still here in 2019 and can’t deal with it.” ~ J

“I don’t [control]…her destiny.” ~ J

It’s time to upgrade the masculine. Thanks again Jidenna for your courage and congrats on the new album – 85 to Africa – being released August 23, 2019. #85toAfrica

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