The Friend Zone & Form/Function Relating
For the past ten years JujuMama’s Love Academy has rolled out various new paradigm models for love and relationships – The Choice Paradigm (Womb Choice), Gender Harmonics, The PL Tenets, The Three Way Mirror and so forth… Each tool has been helpful in opening new juiciness within us – juiciness is anything that forwards connection. Juiciness (energetic alignment) is indeed the oil that supports flow between humans. In creating models, we are solving for unity.
What makes JLA different from other relationships instruction is the idea that ALL humans are included in our format of relating rather than simply the couple, and the “family”. Our tools are tailored to the unity of all humankind. In like manner, our latest tool – Form/Function Relating -incorporates and builds upon this mission – It’s time to embrace the friend zone and ALL other zones of relating!
Let’s dig in! Form/Function Relating – What is it?
What does that mean? And of course, how can it forward harmony in our communities and indeed create structure for community to be born? And, most important, how does Form/Function Relating ease the socially manufactured pain of being Friend Zoned?
Generally speaking men HATE to be placed into the Friend Zone, this is a space where they are not seen as suitable sexual partners, but their energy and services are needed and desired by the woman in a more nebulous capacity. Men don’t like this space because they seem to desire feeling needed and sexually desired – except not in a “needy” way, which pisses me off considering how needy men can be. LOL!
Nevertheless, men seem to desire authentic attraction that includes full sensual engagement. If you know about the Choice Paradigm (Womb Choice which is a concept created and developed here at JLA), you’ll understand that fully engaged sensual relationships are more a function of a Womb Choice relationship. Womb Choice relationships are ONE in a category of FOUR various kinds of relationships! So most men want to be chosen in the Womb Choice capacity – but this is only because modern romance seems to be based on profound sexual connection without segmenting and looking into all the various ways we can come together in loving relationship.
There are three other choices beyond Womb Choice.
I describe these at length in The Choice Paradigm Box Set. As well there are combinations of choices! Womb Choice is but one format of love – wherein there is powerful sexual CHI at play, what the Bible calls Lust… I have defined lust as – the visceral, bodily, indicator for recognition of one’s medicine!! Womb Choice is a sexually medicinal relationship. The essence of a Womb Choice relationship has to do with the feminine or female feeling strongly desirous of the masculine. She wants to fuck him, and fuck him daily, maybe more often than daily! She needs him, needs his sexual prowess, and will do just about anything to have it. She recognizes this upon first meeting him, before she knows his name, she knows he is medicine!
Womb Choice feels SO GOOD. However, there are also the challenges involved with dealing with such a vulnerable need and desire – for instance, usually Womb Chosen men are not the ‘husband’ type with the women who choose him as Womb CHoice. He might be the husband type with other women, choosing him as Support CHoice… But here, he is a Warrior. He is on his own missions and doesn’t really have the time to devote to heavy dating, mating and making home. His service to this woman who is Womb Choosing him is healing and actualization.
Smart, Progressive, women utilize these kinds of connections to work sex magic, face the shadow within, and increase her magnetism and power! Progressive women are fully aware that she cannot turn this man into a Support Choice. IE he will never move in, settle down, and become her steady partner. She embraces that, and flows with the energetic configuration at hand. She knows that this doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her… It simply means this isn’t the function of that relationship.
All men have the power & elegance to be Womb Chosen by certain women.
But he can’t force any one particular woman to Womb Choose him. He has to sit back and observe, notice who is Womb Choosing him… And depending on the man’s character, he will accept or decline offers from women who are womb choosing him.
Some men believe these kinds of relationships are not real, in that men often feel women want the commitment or NOTHING at all. Is this true – that women are looking for commitment, marriage, serious relationship or nothing at all? I do not believe it is. Many women are looking for something yet to be defined. And many women are willing to enjoy a Womb Chosen man without requiring that he fill other functions of committed relationships… but those women may be in hiding as our culture dictates that sex should always equate to commitment and then family, or marriage.
But How Will Form/Function Relating Help?
Moving closer to developing a model that would incorporate all the various ways women choose men, let’s dive into the meaning of Form/Function Relating. Form means – which format is the relationships resonate with? Are we Womb Choice, Support Choice, Crown Choice or Manifestation (Money) Choice? More about these four choices available here and summarized below.
Once we figure out the form of the relationship – we can then dig into the function. If the relationship is a Womb Choice, we realize the basic function is healing and sensual ignition. But what areas within that structure will we focus upon and even how often will we meet to share time? What will we BE to one another, what will we provide to one another? Specifically…
Taking a step back, we must realize that the protocol in modern relationships is to hold heavy expectations that remain unspoken until we are triggered… This is evidenced when women ask a man “where are we, what are we to one another, what are we doing”? Form/Function Relating seeks to remedy this ambiguity and help us remove the mask we wear, hiding our truest intentions.
The mask may be comfortable, but Form/Function Relating allows us to be square with one another and open space for real discussion about what we WANT to deliver to one another, rather than having an expectation, for instance, that if we are having sex, we should be in a “committed” relationship, or that if we are not having sex it’s not a real relationship (friend zone). For the western mind, committed means – headed toward marriage? I believe that’s it. In the Form/Function Relationship committed means – we are clear on what we are delivering to one another and that the ultimate purpose of the relationship is growth.
So what does any of this have to do with the Friend Zone?
Males in our modern culture despise the friend zone, they think of this as a way women keep men busy with tasks, emotional support, and folly while the men don’t receive physical benefits of relating. It’s almost like having a gay boyfriend who is there to comfort the woman but isn’t expecting or shouldn’t expect to be handled physically…
Form/Function Relating addresses this by allowing pairings to occur with defined and clear functions, such that each relationship can become an officially clear entity without having to meet EVERY need each the persons involved might have and hold dear.
Here are some examples of Form/Function Relationships that I’m currently involved in:
Case Study #1 | Classic Crown Choice
My husband of 20 years, Carl E Stevens Jr, takes the form of Crown Choice. The functions we share are these: feed one another ideas and objectives for a company we innovated together, share energy with our bodies in a semi-sexual way, share energy with our bodies in a sexual way in tantric ritual settings only, hear about and support one another’s outside relationships, dwell in the same home as a function of co-parenting.
That’s it! That’s all I expect from him, that’s all he expects from me! Notice cooking, cleaning, passionate sex, financial stability, emotional security, sexual exclusivity, none of these are expected in our Form/Function relationship! This is extremely freeing for me and for him! Our expectations are clear and based on the form our relationship naturally takes.
Case Study #2 | Classic Support Choice
I live in the house with my husband and another of my partners, Mike, who is my Support Choice. He is here with me living a Form/Function relationship that focuses on emotional support. The functions we fulfill for one another are these: support the raising of children, engagement of children with activities such as poker games, disc golf, outdoor fun, swimming, so forth, housework and upkeep – cooking, cleaning, laundry – these are things I provide for him. Handyman work is something he provides to me and our family. Massage, cuddling, and emotional support.
That’s it! Notice there is no sexual element to our relationship. Most would consider this a Friend Zone scenario, but we consider ourselves partners. Who says partnerships have to include sexual activity? That’s some bullshit! Partnerships provide a plethora of joys that reach beyond sexuality at many junctures. Sure, Mike could complain that he doesn’t get sex from me, but then he’d lose out on all the other functions our relationship serves in his life. What a pity! We are not sexually exclusive, so he is welcome to also enjoy the women who are Womb Choosing him! Right?
So in this way, Mike is free to have other needs met elsewhere – THAT is the solution for the friend zone philosophy. Mike has had MANY beautiful women Womb Choosing him, and he comes home to cooked food, clean laundry, and of course he completes his responsibilities to me, and I him.
Case Study #3 | Classic Womb Choice
I have a man who lives in this city whom I am Womb Choosing. Let’s call him Paradise. Paradise lives alone and has MANY women to manage. He is also a business owner and doesn’t have lots of time to deal with relationships. He is not in a serious relationship with anyone at all. The functions we have agreed upon are these: I help him with his companies in the capacity of Lover – I help with branding and excitement! He delivers the most delicious lovemaking I could possibly imagine, but only once a week. I deliver sex magic, so as I’m having thousands of orgasms, I send energy to his business projects. He delivers cataclysms, so when he’s taking me to thousands of orgasms, he reminds me to also give some energy to my own projects.
That’s it! He doesn’t have to provide emotional support, child care, money for my projects, he doesn’t have to move in, settle down, give me more time, make more space for me… we have agreed upon his function and my own – down to the schedule. I don’t have to cook or clean for him, he doesn’t have to be the COO of my company (as my husband is). Dig?
I wish I could give more case studies, but these are my three current relationships. What kinds of relationships are you in? Below I will give all four forms and list many of the possible functions these forms take. You can assess your own relationships and decide how to have the conversations that most don’t have – IE what are we delivering to one another and can that be enough please? This will thrust you into the new paradigm in a way that might feel more comfortable than trying to add functions to relationships that do not have the form to support those functions.
Does one have to be Poly to enjoy Form/Function Relationships?
Keep in mind you can still choose sexual exclusivity in these instances. You can choose to have intercourse with just ONE of your partners, while opening to affection with others or even less! Or you can be exclusive with a few of your partners meaning you exclusively are with these two men or women. You decide!
Womb Choice ™
- Passionate sex
- Sex magic
- Shadow Engagement
- Sexual healing
- Touch Therapy
- Emotional support
- Child rearing
- Home duties
- Home sharing
There are two more choices as well!
Start thinking about these ideas and let them swirl around in your brain. If you want the in depth look into this information click here! JujuMama’s Love Academy is about creating models better suited for modern relationships! We offer online private forums, a huge library that holds 20 plus video lectures on this stuff! Access by becoming a member of our love academy we invite you closer as we all dream a new world. xxoo
Light to you!
Kenya K Stevens, CEO JujuMama llc
[author title=”Kenya K Stevens” author_id=””]
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