Open Doesn’t Mean Dumb
Recently I’ve been catapulted into new layers of my open marriage. There are always more layers to explore when we opening to the unknown, right? Poly was the unknown for me, ten years ago, and boldly exploring this spiritual path has made me invincible. I say that not to show out, just to express what spiritual work, vulnerability, breaking paradigms, and living creatively will do for one’s life. It does indeed expand you! You become more than you believed you were! You reminisce on the times you wanted stability or security via this one human. You realize stability and security are with you as forces no matter what is going on or who is in your life!
Most believe Stability and Security become illusive when exploring unknown territory, placing your husband up for grabs to the thousands of wanting women, some, eager for marriage, whom society might sadly, label spinsters; others, who simply are young and eager to enjoy a mature, experienced man sensually. However, I’ve found quite the opposite, Stability and Security become more clearly yours when you step into and trust the unknown! (I speak about that here in this video) It’s just the Source of these two qualities move from this one person, deep into one’s own selfhood, and are expressed through an interconnectedness achieved with all!
I have learned through this journey to find security through my own personal power, expressed through the idea that love comes from everywhere at all times! My ability to create the life I want becomes my Security. My connection to Source Energy is now my comfort, and stability has never been stronger ~ and it’s all because of poly!
As I analyzed the Bey video, Lemonade, I, ironically, had something happening in my personal life that mirrors it. Another of my partners many lady friends has gone rouge!!! I’d like to discuss what it means to be a poly wife at this stage of the game, where humans are just learning to take baby steps into this freedom-based, and non-mechanized love once again….
What can I trust another woman to do when making love, consistently, with my husband, as his partner? Imagine she is a live-in second wife. Or maybe she is a girlfriend he sees occasionally, long distance. I can only trust one thing. And it’s not what you’d think! I can trust that she will show me myself, show me where I am, show me the potentials, patterns and proclivities I am working to heal within me.
You see, we want to trust that she will respect us, appreciate us for sharing a husband and home with her, honor us for even allowing the situation to be as it is, without much fight. We expect that she will uphold the values we think we have lived. We want her to see the light, be the light, we want her not to interfere with our marriage but enhance it, right?
What we haven’t calculated is just how much in each of us needs deep healing and will be highlighted via this sharing. And we haven’t been informed, in this culture, that deep healing doesn’t happen at the sweat lodge, or at the meditation retreat – naw – those are places to go and practice! We practice being in the pressure cooker when we are at a sweat. We practice being OK with challenge, we practice feeling the heat and knowing it’s purposeful, the discomfort, useful. We practice being able to withstand the burn.
However, real growth happens at the crossroads (Ra Un Nefer Amen). It happens whether you have practiced or not, which is why I meditate daily, sweat as much as possible, and take myself through the rigors of ritual and protocol and regiment as much as I possibly can. I do this so that I am prepared when life brings the actuality of my own conditioning… in this instance, in the form of another woman, loving my husband in my home, within ear-shot of me, for a few bitter-sweet, yet hefty-with-growth, years.
When the crap hits the fan, the only thing you have is wisdom. I don’t just mean the cliche wisdom like “This too will pass…” or “All things serve to further”. I mean the innate and personal wisdom. The wisdom that points out the exact buttons she is pushing, such as – “Ah, this reminds me of my unhealed relationship with my sister, riddled with mutual envy, overrun with the weeds of misunderstanding and violence. The Universe wants me to work this out of my spirit. I am much more than painful relationships with women, I am much more than fear of relating with women, I am much more than lack of acceptance — This work is why I’m on Earth, to realize I can relate peacefully with anyone and that I can be respected in any relationship; alas, I am one with all!”
As my husband’s lover went rouge this week, I had to pull into my power to bestow empathy, patience, and love.
And fuck all this spirituality shit – part of patience is accepting who I am today and acknowledging myself! Who I am today is a woman who is 20 year reigning Queen of my household, CEO of my company, mother to three brilliant teens, and wife to many lovely Kings! No one is going to step up in here and think they are running anything! And I so not simply site my tenure, alone, to demonstrate my status; I’m accomplish phenomenal acts of responsibility to my role, daily. There will be acknowledgement, therefore, of my needs. Period.
I wear the ROC necklace in my home. I will not be subject to the condition that what my husband does with his penis will extricate him from my life; yet, I am currently married to the idea of having some respect on my name and for my union. Sure, the condition makes me possessive and protocols-oriented; I embrace myself just as I am ~ this is how to begin the ascent.
When Bey sang about her journey into poly, it tickled me so much because she was telling the truth! There will be #formation ~ order among women, and among men, in order for this to work out (well… until we humans no longer need the training wheels protocol provides).
You will most assuredly show up in a formula that makes sense for my family, my children, my marriage. Compute? If you overstep those parameters without being astute enough to explain the spiritual benefit for all ~ while working just for your own comfort ~ you will be cut, albeit lovingly.
So that’s what’s happened this past few months in my home. Shifting.
It happens. It’s happened before and may happen again. All along the way, I grow, I thrive, I remain studiously awake and happily alive. And I refuse not to love this sistren, even as she transitions. For I have been in her shoes. (empathy)
The bounty is simple. Another layer is revealed. Another heart is flung wide open. Another experience to prove, once again, I am a living God/dess. I am that God/dess for even trying this for a few years, the live in model. Would you try it? Could you?
What’s next? Setting the container better next time – hubby says there will be no next time for the live in Poly model. ??? Everything was perfection though! I am thankful for the lessons learned.
Perfection means: movement, or a work in progress. (PL)
Light to you!
Kenya K Stevens, CEO
I speak extensively about my life experiences in my online private groups, specifically the Blue Butterfly Sanctuary for Feminine Expression. Click Here to check it out! These are living classrooms that have catapulted thousands of women into new heights for the past seven years!