Men Using Children to Manipulate Mothers

I’m seeing a lot of male insecurity around the Russell Wilson, Ciara dating; specifically, around her bringing her son (and Future’s son) around Russell.  I have real strong feelings about this stuff because I’ve come across a lot of women who’s life is on hold (at least partially) because their baby daddy, who’s not in their life consistently, doesn’t want their child around other men.  If this isn’t the absolute dumbest shit I’ve ever heard before in my life, I don’t know what is.  It don’t get any more insecure than that.  These brothers are embarrassing the male species with this bullshit.  The real losers in these types of situations are the children though.

It Takes A Village

First of all, all children need to be around as many adults as possible.  There’s a saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.”  A village is a group of people – adults, children, and elders.  That shit is true even if you and your partner are still together.  If Future and Ciara were still together their son still needs to be around as many men and women as possible because that’s how we develop from children into adults.  We need the role models.  We need the influence and inspiration from our community.  It’s just the way it is.

If you follow Progressive Love (PL) you know we believe in the 3-way mirror concept.  It means what one person is doing is somehow a reflection of what you’re doing or believe in your spirit.  Well, dig this.  Men are always talking about how women are using their children to manipulate them and get back at them – child support, making them come around when they don’t want too, embarrassing them in front of family, etc.  Guess what?  That’s true.  Many women do this exact thing and it’s fucked.  It makes me cringe to even think about it.  But men do the same shit and Future’s whining BS along with all his sympathizers is an example.  “Don’t bring my son around no other ninjas!” *in my tiny, no nut sack, whiny voice*  So yes, brother, you’re trying to control and manipulate your woman using the child.  You’re trying to make her feel ashamed about seeing other men and exposing this child to other men with the hopes of keeping her in the house like a fucking nun.  Get the entire fuck out of here with that bitch ass bullshit.  On top of that, you’re trying to manipulate other men into not dating and spending quality time with single mothers.  The men who do this are killing the black community by promoting separation and segregation within the community.

Why Men Manipulate Using Children

I understand why men do it though – it’s because they are assuming all men have fucked up intentions just like they did.  They’re assuming all men think like they do and want to hit the skins, abuse the woman, and break camp.  Right?  That’s what it is, right brother?  You don’t want no fucked up male around your seed.  I mean, you won’t be there, but no one else can either.  That’s real intelligent.  Good one.

They also do it because the thought of another man up in their ex makes them sick to their stomach.  The possibility of brother X turning that pussy ALLLLLLLLLLL the way like you never could has your balls in your throat.  Just the thought of her screaming his name makes you sick.  So you try to keep all men away from her USING the child as the reason.  “I just don’t want no ninja around my seed.  It’s nothing personal babe.  You understand, right?  So, you can date, but no man can come to your house and fuck you in your bed (our marital bed).  Ok?” *in my deep, dumb voice*  I mean, let’s call it for what it is.  If you’re not with the sister, for whatever reason, you’re not with her.  If you don’t have custody of the child and she does then she has custody.  Would you be able to apply that same rule if you had custody – no females around her daughter?  Don’t answer that – it’s rhetorical.  You would break that rule after week two of having custody then justify it with some bullshit.

Common Sense Solution

Here’s how it should work – when you have the child, you expose him to who you want and when she has the child, she exposes him to who she wants.  Deal?  NOW – if there truly is an emergency situation where you really really find a character flaw with someone your child is around, then cool – call her out on it.  Or she can call you out on it.  But outside of that, just relax and accept the situation you’ve co-created.

*This is my super duper whiny voice* “Don’t bring my son around no bitch ass ninjas.  Whaa-whaa-whaa-whaa.”  Then they have the nerve to call the other men like Russell the simp.  Ah, no!  You’ve got the shit reversed.  The crying bitching negro is the simp.  The brother spending time with your son and the mom is the role model.

As a general rule, any adult who puts time in with children is the hero, is the adult.  Especially, especially, especially in the African American community.  We need ALL hands on deck in this mf.  We need as many adults willing to hug, embrace, talk to, walk with, and be heroes to children as possible.  Again, this has nothing to do with whether you’re together with your husband of wife or not.  This is a general need we have as a community.  We don’t have time for the insecure negro – that shit is dead as of twenty years ago.

Don’t get me started about how to manage your women and why you’re out of the picture in the first place.  Don’t get me started on the choices you made to get yourself to this point brother.  Don’t get me on the four other baby’s mammas.  Don’t get me on what you told the female versus what you delivered – a man is only as good as his word.  Don’t get me on the fact you knew exactly who this female was and what she was about and her entire dating history.  Please.  Sit.  Down.

As I said previously, I know that women be on some foul shit regarding children and the manipulation of men.  I totally get it and I’ve seen it, but please don’t act like that’s not the same exact thing that men do just in a different way.


One Love,


Rakhem Seku

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