KARRINE STEFFANS, QUEENDOM, AND THE FEMALE CHOICE PARADIGM
I’m actually a Karrine Steffans fan. I haven’t read her books or seen any of her non-interview based videos and I really couldn’t tell you who’s she’s slept with outside of three or four people. But I do know she’s slept with some well known people and that she’s written about it. I do know she’s done some pornography. And I do know she was known as Superhead and apparently had a head technique that was guaranteed to make men cum under a certain amount of time. I’ve heard all of that, but that’s not why I’m a fan of hers. I’m really not interested in any of that stuff. *yawn*
Let me tell you what I do like about her though. Through all of that past experience, which would have eventually crushed the average woman, she’s emerged as a successful entrepreneur, an unabashed speaker about the woman’s experience, and still to this day despite everything, a highly desired woman. Not just desired for sex, but as a wife and for long term relationships. As much shit as men talk she’s still being chosen. I love it.
The Sexually Free Woman
Even more than that though is I love how sexually free she is as a woman. Such brutal honesty about what she loves, who she’s fucked, who’d she like to fuck, and owning it all. When I look at her I don’t see any shame in her sexual expression. That’s the epitome of the feminine experience in my book. If you can completely own your sexuality even in the face of ignorant male castigation – you get an A+ in my book. Why? That’s the toughest thing for women in this patriarchal, western, racist, gender-biased world we live in. Men love to crush women for their sexual expression; especially, when they want to fuck them, but know they never will. Men are always trying to control a woman’s sexuality and to be honest most women fold under the pressure. No judgment from me because I know that shit is hard. Public scrutiny is a mf. I’ve been there myself so I’m speaking from experience and most people don’t make it.
But this article isn’t about her per se, but about the embedded video clip of an interview she did where she stated that she’ll never leave Lil Wayne for anyone under any circumstance. This is something she tells men up front. That’s some baller type shit right there. #loveit You see, this is kind of personal for me because I’ve had a number of women say that about me. They say, “Rakhem, my future husband will have to be fine with me continuing to see you. I’ll know he’s the one if he understands why this isn’t negotiable and if his ego can take it.” I have actually had that told to me on a number of occasions. That may sound strange to a lot of people, but not to me because I generally only deal with sexually free women. Women who can express what they want and could give a damn what society, family, ‘friends’, and the rest think about them. A lot of people talk that free game, but very few actually live it. On top of that, I generally only deal with women who are touch with themselves enough to know what they really want. I don’t have time for women who are lying to themselves and pretending to want one thing, but really want another. Or women who’ve buried their sexual selves behind the Bible, shame, and guilt. Those are clients for me, not partners.
But here’s the interesting thing, Karrine said that ALL of the men said they were cool with continuing to see Wayne, but in the end NONE of them could handle it. NONE!!! #lmao What does this mean? It means men still don’t understand what it means when a woman chooses you versus when you choose a woman. In all cases, without exception, a woman will always love and want to be with the man SHE’S chosen. I don’t care if it’s twenty years later – that’s just how it is. Even if she’s mad at him or through with him she’s NEVER really through with him. True talk.
What’s funny is that men actually believe that because their ego gets boosted from being with this dime piece (a.k.a. Karrine for example) that she has the same feeling. She knows you’re using her as an ego boost and trophy piece. She probably wishes she could do the same with you. Men today actually believe that you choosing a woman actually erases her desire and attraction for men she’s already chosen or will choose in the future. You’re mistaken. I’m not saying she doesn’t love you. I’m not saying she doesn’t respect you, but what I am saying is that you are in no way a replacement for what she’s getting from the man she’s chosen. Like, Ciara will always love and respect Russell Wilson, but she’s always gonna be wet for ninjas like Future, etc. She’ll always dream about these brothas. She’ll always long for these brothas. She’ll fight it for as long as she can and maybe she’ll suppress that deep desire for the rest of her life, but it doesn’t change that fact that she’s suppressing how she really feels.
The Female Choice Paradigm
At JujuMama we call this concept the Choice Paradigm (CP). It’s where we teach that women choose men and not vice versa. It’s saying if she’s not feeling you in her heart and her pussy then you aren’t Neo (The ONE) and never will be the one. She still might marry you. She still may love you, but you’re just not that brother that touches her soul. When it’s done right, she’ll choose you and make you think you chose her. She may even make you pursue her for a while even though she already knows she wants you, but the point is she choses.
Welcome to the Queendom
There’s another reason I’m into Karrine. I wrote an article a while back about women building their Queendom. Karrine is a queen. I know a lot of prudish women are offended by that statement, but it’s true. Realness, sexual liberation, entrepreneurialism, eternal youth, continued desire from men, etc are all signs of a Queen. She has a queendom and she runs it fearlessly. She doesn’t hide and she lets her men know what the deal is. Most men don’t have the balls to come with the kind of baller type honesty that she’s coming with. She’s telling her men up front she’s never leaving Wayne. Most men today would rather just be on the down low and sneak around. That’s not a King. That’s not baller. It’s a punk move to be honest. I suspect that because she’s been through so much and had so much criticism over the years that she’s adopted that fuck it mindset. That gives her the edge. It gives her a queendom and because the men she’s dealing with can’t handle the truth and can’t be truthful themselves it makes them subjects in her queendom. Because she hasn’t chosen them on that deep level, it makes them subject to her. She’s in the power position because what you want from her far exceeds what she wants from you.
Men have to understand the difference between choosing and being chose. You have to watch it in action when it’s presented to you and not ignore it. You have to get out of your ego before it destroys you and has you wrapped up in jealousy, pain, and divorce. I can’t say why Karrine chose Wayne. I don’t know if the thought of him just gets her pussy wet or if he’s supporting her financially which makes her pussy wet or both which just makes it wetter. I can’t say, but he’s an obvious choice for her, that much is obvious.
I’ve heard a lot of men be disrespectful to her in interviews, but we all know that’s just jealousy. These are men who wish they could fuck her or have her as their girl, but know they’re not in the running and never will be. These are men masturbating to porno every night without a strong team on speed dial. They try to reduce her power through demeaning words in order to elevate themselves, but I know she’s beyond all of that. The fact is Queendoms will come under attack. Queens are both loved and vehemently hated at the same time. Hold your head up, live your life, and take care of your business.