Addiction: The Human Desire To Be Seen
During the four days of Solstice, June 20-23, I underwent an initiation into the Warrior™ Fire Circle. I did the ceremony with one hundred or more Butterfly Women here at JLA! Prior to the ceremony, I dealt with addiction to nicotine, tobacco and it’s complimentary substances, beer, wine, and coffee for many years…. Finally this summer, I feel ready for victory!
I don’t view addiction the way most do. For instance, I do not believe addiction is inherently bad. I believe addictions are teachers, like every experience life offers. Everyone has addictions; mostly we are addicted to our patterns. I also believe addiction answers or soothes, a need for attention ie. care and love from ourselves or others – which amounts to connection – on all human levels. I believe sexual connection, touch, intimacy and sharing space in community, and being seen and met, are basic human needs. When we go without these, and forgo creating ways to attain these, we face addiction and its tendencies, as a culture.
Knowing all of this about addiction, I always shared this with those who want to know why a person like me smoked cigarettes. I’d tell them the truth! (no shame in my game) -> I’ll quit when I am closer to dealing with solutions for this particular pain – when I can feel the connection I need to feel – and once I’ve figured out how to heal this feeling that I do not have enough, I will quit. Period. My addiction to tobacco was about emotional isolation, not feeling SEEN or MET and feeling my life experiences were too big to be properly held and witnessed by others; the addiction stemmed from feeling unsupported. I knew I would have to heal that feeling in order to stop medicating it, suppressing it, covering it, easing it with the substance. But I wasn’t going to just, cold turkey, stop the substance until I could get a handle on the healing needed.
I think it’s unfair that we suggest people change their addictions without tools or support or even an understanding of the underlying Source.
I don’t know why we believe our desire to have someone not be addicted, is anything more than projection? We are always looking at at our own reflection when we wish for another not to be addicted. As I mention, everyone has addiction, it’s part of the Earth School learning process. It’s ok… Let’s all take a breath. Often we wish another person would just, or could just quit, cold turkey; we project ourselves onto them. We want them to do what has been impossible for us to do! Right?
I recall once a man I loved telling me we could not date anymore unless I quit smoking. LOL! At the time I knew I did not have everything I needed to stop. So I, curtly, told him, yes I would quit cold turkey if he quit watching porn, cold turkey. Of course he did not see the parallel. Nor did he realize he had projected onto me his own addiction. And of course he knew he could not stop watching porn in one day! Ridiculous to expect me to be more magical than himself ~ #projection
I know about cold turkey, because I’d done the cold turkey bit when I was age 21… I’d smoked cigarettes from age 17 – 21 and quit cold turkey the day I met my husband to be! I knew I wanted to marry him, and I knew he wouldn’t go for the smoking. So I stopped. From age 22 – 32 I did not smoke cigarettes at all. I had babies, nursed babies and did a Vegan diet for 13 years. I ate very clean and enjoyed being a healthy mom.
Soon after quitting, I began to recognize that no day could end without me having some disgruntled energy with my husband, I realized I was addicted to drama! Underneath the cigarettes was this! As I said, many are addicted to patterns, not just substances, but these amount to the same thing; furthermore, an addiction to a pattern can be soothed, masked by a substance. Dig? So I was addicted to having some kind of daily drama in my relationship! OMG! I was addicted to a pattern underneath those cigarettes, a pattern I suppressed using the cigarettes, and I didn’t know this until I stopped smoking! It took lots of work to undo this addiction to drama. Mostly I used the tool I created here at JLA called Lacing™ Meditation.
So why did I start smoking again at age 32 if I quit for ten years? The answer is easy! I healed my addiction to drama, but underneath that addiction was a fear that I would always go unseen. Unmet. I hadn’t faced into or even known about that layer. There are always multiple layers to our fears, conditionings and such…
I don’t want to get too deep, I just want to say it took nine years to realize how to heal these next layers of pain and false identifications. Recall the first layer was the need for drama. Once I healed that, I went on journeys impossible to describe in this post, but included the most beautiful years of my life!
When I quit smoking this past weekend, just prior to the Solstice, I had one bad day. I was walking through the kitchen and I heard the NBA finals on TV. This triggered my desire to smoke! But why?? I began to cry uncontrollably (one of my tools for addiction recovery at JLA) until I fell into a trance that connected me to a memory –> this is the sound that appeared to kept my Dad from looking at me! So often when I desired his glance. The game. It was the GAME that did not let him look at me!!!! I wanted his attention. My little girl brain had associated the sound of the TV to not getting attention from the man I loved! Not being seen or met by him… WHA??? So I wanted to smoke due to this deep seated need to numb that feeling, this desire for attention that was rarely fulfilled!!! The game, the TV, especially news and sports, became stressful due to my subconscious memories of them, and I hadn’t realized it; these sounds became a symbol that I am not heard, not seen, not met. Something was more important than me – as a child I connected this feeling to the sound of the GAME!!!
This story goes on and on… these are the kinds of things I share with my community in our private groups. I’ve supported thousands of humans in finding the roots to their stuff, and eradicating them! I support humans by sharing my stories, and by deeply listening to theirs… I do that in my private groups.
I ask that if you feel ready to grow and expand on these kinds of levels that you join our online love academy! We have over 5000 members – with several hundred being members of our private spaces. We have over 7 online private groups addressing various elements without our company.
- Sun Manifestation
- Moon Manifestation
- Blue Butterfly Women
- Peaceful Warrior Men
- JLA Big Business Incubator
- PL Basecamp – Playground for Progressive Thinkers
- JLA Affiliate groups
Let’s do this! The root to any addiction is lack of connection. Lack of connection doesn’t start now, it began long ago and has become a pattern for any person who is addicted to any action, substance or stimuli! Let’s dig to the root of your stuff so that you can begin to become free of it! We call this Upleveling here at JLA! What do you call it?
Check this lovely video on addiction if you need to hear this addiction/connection theory from a different source xxoo
“Black girls” from Detroit aren’t always reliable in delivering the Science? Oh yes we are! Ha!
Trust and believe baby. I’m living it.
Kenya K Stevens, CEO | JujuMama llc