Are You Building A Kingdom, Queendom or Empire?
Several months ago my husband, JujuMama co-founder, Carl Stevens (Rakhem Seku), did a post about the Queendom , what it means for women – or humans identifying in the feminine – to build a Queendom. He clearly stated that for a person to build a Queendom, she’d have to have her life purpose straight, her own personal desires put first, and proceed adding people to her life to support those desires – on her terms.
Carl goes on to say:
A lot of drama is going down in relationships because you haven’t established whether your family falls under the structure of a Queendom or Kingdom. Too many women believe that because a man is there it’s automatically a Kingdom – Incorrect.
Let us dive into the definition of each of these structures to easily distinguish which structure your own relationship aligns with…
Keep in mind, it’s urgent that all families, singles and couples figure this out. This is the work we do here at Jujumama Love Academy. We’ve supported thousands of couples in arranging their love lives to match the actuality of the relationship. If you’d like support once you’ve completed this article, just visit jla.jujumama.com – home of the Progressive Love Movement.
It is important to understand the kind of relationship you’re involved in. This information will support you in knowing how to best be of service and feel happiest in that relationship. Essentially, the question becomes, are you the Sub or are you the Dom in this particular relationship? Don’t think gender; think energy. There are feminine doms and feminine subs, just as there are masculine doms and masculine subs. Feminine is often the dominant energy in a given relationship, IE QueenDOM. Where masculine is dominant, we have a KingDOM. It just takes knowing how to determine which is so! Moreover, the energetics of a relationship precede the relationship! Usually the energetics are there to support each party in learning something new about themselves! So there is no wrong way for a relationship to flow.
In order to discuss these energetics ~ KingDOMs, QueenDOMs, or the third choice – Empires – we must define what a King or Queen actually is according to JLA:
KING – A human living in the masculine who takes complete accountability for achieving all his personal goals and dreams, while living his purpose without apology, and taking responsibility for providing himself everything he needs to thrive as a masculine, and spiritual being; while strengthening his family and community.
QUEEN – A human living in the feminine who exercises complete devotion toward achieving all her personal desires and dreams, enjoys her life journey without apology, and ensures she is supplied with everything she needs to feel whole and fulfilled in all aspects of her spirituality and femininity; while nurturing her family and loved ones.
It’s time to think about your own relationship. Follow along and answer these questions for yourself. Let’s begin to define more pointedly what each of these structures feel like, energetically:
Energy CheckPoint #1 – Who is setting the tone for how the family runs; or setting the laws governing the home?
This is pretty clear cut – but then again, maybe not. There is unspoken law in each home, that law has been set up by either the feminine will (Queendom), or the masculine will (Kingdom); or both have come together to create in unison (Empire).
Be careful about the unison thing… it often appears that choices have been made in unison, but if you look carefully, one or the other of you have made the most concessions.
In a Kingdom, the masculine person has set the tone. In a Queendom the feminine person has set the tone. In an Empire there are no checks and balances placed on either the masculine or feminine figure, usually in these arrangements there is lots of autonomy and freedom within the unit. In fact, an Empire means there is a King and a Queen who are capable in the switch position, which means they each have their own DOM – but often work together in various ways playing sub at times and dom at times…
So think about your own home, who has actually set the tone? Be honest with yourself because there is no shame in surrender or submission. These are both positions of power.
- Which of you are primarily responsible for creating the law?
- Which of you are primarily responsible for following the law?
- Which of you have the most pull in terms of when or if the laws will change?
- Which of you can determine when a law or even ‘family values’ needs to change?
If the masculine person has made the law, primarily, you are living in a Kingdom. If the feminine has created most of the family values and laws, you are living in a Queendom.
Conversely, an Empire, each individual makes his or her own law. What is shared is only a desire to nurture the joint collective or Empire, and even that is done as each party sees fit. No one party is in a position to tell the other party how things will go. Parties existing in Empires presume the other party’s right and ability to choose for him or herself. Both parties decide how they will contribute to the whole and those offerings are embraced by the other. They do not place restrictions on one another’s movements, desires, likes, dislikes or actions in any way.
As you evaluate your relationships, be sure to understand that all three structures are quite powerful! It’s recognizing which you are in that Jujumama Love Academy wants you to focus on today.
Energy CheckPoint #2 – Which person is living their lives in the most freedom, without much restriction to his or her needs?
So here is a very good point to ponder, think about your own needs.
- Are your needs able to be fully met in the structure?
- Do you have to concede some of your needs in order to remain workable in the structure?
- Is the family structure set in Energy Checkpoint #1 impeding you from nurturing your needs and finding fulfillment through personal expression?
The person conceding needs, is in the submissive position. The person legislating his or her needs be met most often is the DOM.
If the masculine person is conceding most needs, then the structure is Queendom. If the feminine person is conceding most needs, the the structure is Kingdom. The one with all his or her needs met is in the position of dominance. The one ensuring these needs are met is the Sub.
Note* This doesn’t mean the sub’s needs are not important, it’s just the focus is on the needs of the DOM. The sub’s needs, primarily here, are to serve the DOM.
Now keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with conceding needs. For instance, when I married, I still needed to smoke cigarettes and eat dairy foods, and enjoy pornographic movies on websites similar to fuckvideos – I even needed to continue to eat chicken and fish! However, Carl was not into those things and I KNEW that if I continued them we would not become close. SO I conceded those needs, I became submissive to his desires and needs, which was a Vegan diet, no smoking, no junk food, and a small amount of media intake. This made our marriage, for many years, a Kingdom.
In an Empire, there is no need to concede needs on either part. Both the King and Queen – who are actually each DOM in their own lives – are able to have their needs fully met, without hampering the other. If the masculine in this relationship wants to eat healthy while the feminine in this relationship wants to snack on junk – so be it. No one is regulating the other (vicariously or directly) beyond each individual’s desire to change as they wish, or not. (My husband eats all forms of meat today, while I have returned to chicken and fish only, and enjoy tobacco on occasion).
Here’s another example. If the masculine person in a relationship is able to get his sexual needs met by simply having outside affairs that the feminine person is, or is not aware of, while restricting the feminine person from getting any sexual needs met outside the relationship, then the situation is a Kingdom. If the feminine person in a relationship has created a space to have her sexual needs met while restricting the same for the masculine, then it’s a Queendom – even if she is getting her sexual needs met secretly watching porn while ridiculing him for doing the same.
Generally, however, a Queendom and Kingdom are situations where the person in charge (dom) is caring of the submissive. Thus, the rules will never generally feel abusive. But it’s easy to sight a kingdom, queendom or empire, right?
Think of you parent’s relationship, which were they?
Now… Why Is Any of this Important?
I mean, who cares which structure my relationship is aligned with? Why can’t we all just get along, right?
This information is exceedingly important when we really look at the cause of breakups, breakdowns, heart breaks, and divorce today in our culture. If we truly want to add compassion to the way we relate to one another, we have to understand the metaphysics of our relationships! Kali calls them grids! <- click for more.
What we have in modern relating is a total lack of acceptance of the energetics inherent in various relationships. We here at JLA have coached thousands of couples and have seen quite often a lack of adaptability on the parts of partners. Often we don’t notice the Dom and Sub choice, or when we made it – which is always the first choice that is made in any relationship – until it’s too late to do anything about it! Then when we do catch it, we want to rebel against the order, instead of begin with acceptance and climb from there!
What I mean by acceptance is this: If I am in love with a man, and I actually get into a long term relationship with him following the energetics that I’m supporting his needs, doing things his way, and coming into HIS domain, then why would I later complain when I want more power? I have clearly made myself a submissive to this man and it’s time I embrace that. If I want something new, I’d have to reformulate MYSELF!
But I can only reformulate things if I begin by acknowledging what IS! By understanding that I’m in the submissive role, I can easily know how to communicate to him to get the support or change I desire in the relationship. I’d just study the JujuMama’s Gender Harmonics, about the feminine energetics and how she moves to attain what she wants! I understand that following his rules and structure (Energy Checkpoint #1) is critical to maintain harmony while seeking the change I desire. Maybe I won’t be able to make the Kingdom into a Queendom, all of a sudden, but I can move the energy, or toward Empire with the right steps and work, and reverence for the king. #acceptance #criticalthinking
If I’m the King, and things are not working well in the relationship, I could be ignorant of the structure and blame my feminine partner for everything, or I could know my place, and realize it’s my leadership that must shift because all parties are not being properly supported. I shouldn’t have to wait for my partner to implement a change because it’s mostly on me. I am in charge, thus I must spruce up my management skills!
I see so many masculine clients who have run Kingdoms in their homes start to get really feminine when they realize they are in charge; they have to hold the torch and lead! I see so many feminine clients who have run Queendoms in their homes start to get upset when the masculine rises up and rebels – uhhhhh you took on the role of Queen and the home runs under your feminine dominance, do you have any magnetic tricks up your sleeve to get the men to flow in your waters???
This is real. This is happened each day. The buck is being passed too often; and realization of what’s happened to each relationship as it disintegrates is very skewed.
Listen, there is no way out of the grid.
No matter what your gender, race, age, or station in life, you will actually have to chose DOM or SUB in most all your relationships. Are you mindful of this first cellular division and how to play your cards in that role? This is what we do here at JLA. We train grid masters! This is the level of depth that we share at our Resource Library. We have tools available for you to explore this…
We love to see couples make pretty Kingdoms, Queendoms or Empires… but that’s work baby. Join us. We are here doing that work! xxoo
You are encouraged to JOIN JLA! Right now you can gain full access to these wonderful teachings for just $1 per month! Click Here and check the memberships – join at the Bronze Level — Use code: ONEDOLLARBRONZE
Love and Delight to you!
Kenya K Stevens, CEO
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