Why Women Choose Unattainable Men

I was watching a rerun of Being Mary Jane tonight.  It’s the one where she’s trying to avoid the married man she’s been dating for four months, but ends up fucking him in the shower at the end of the show.  She was crying and confused and initially resistant to his pursuits, but eventually fucked him Monster’s Ball style in the woman’s locker room while all the other women ran out in butt naked horror.  I’ve only seen an episode and a half of this show, but what strikes me is how true the portrayal of women are.  Let’s discuss one of those truths:

Women love the Unattainable Man.

I stayed away from the word unavailable on purpose because it doesn’t do what I’m about to describe justice.  Unavailable could mean absent or not there and that’s not what we’re describing.  A better word to describe the kind of man I’m talking about would be untamable.  Yeah, I like that better – untamable.

Women want the impossible man.  The most wild, ornery, least likely to settle down, least likely to text back, most likely to break that heart, most likely to break that back in the bedroom man they can find.  In Progressive Love we call these men Womb Choice™ men, these activate something inside your womb and body that can’t really be explained logically or reasonably.  There’s no rational or moral explanation for what is drawing you to him.  All you know is that you need him in your belly like yesterday.

Let’s go to one of our modern day, soulful philosophers – Jill Scott – for more insights on this subject.  Jill described him accurately in her song So Gone.  I love Jill Scott because she keeps it so real when it comes to women’s sexual experiences and desires.

“Don’t want this thing, but can’t let go
Even though, I need it so
Your arms they soothe me, but I ain’t no game
I ain’t no toy, I ain’t just brain, this ain’t no movie mane
I’m a real woman, been down this road before
(I just need more) I just need more…”

“Why does my body ignore what my mind says?
I try to keep it intact, but I’m here in this bed…
I need to… listen, listen…
Why does my body ignore what my mind says?
I tried keepin it tight, but I’m here in this bed.
I need to… listen”

“He got that thickness, the kind that make you get up makin’ biscuits with breakfast, so gone
And I ain’t even thinkin’ bout the next chick, that he mess with, so reckless… so gone…”

Jill Scotts Rules Pic


Audio Excerpt

It would be a mistake to gloss over these lyrics and say this is a song about a woman who is dick whipped.  The truth is he is her medicine.  In a crazy and insane world, women need medicine that certain men have to offer, the sensual healing. The truth is she feels spectacular after they make love.  The truth is, he is a NEED.  The truth is, all women need a Medicine Man at various points in their life.

There’s also an unfortunate truth – women try to turn these men into husbands.

In Progressive Love we call husband material, men who are willing to be present with women, Support Choice™ men.  These are men love you unconditionally and act responsibly.  They will take care of your children whether by him or not and be your rock in almost any situation for life.  Women love Support Choice men, but they aren’t necessarily passionate and turned on by them.  It’s just the way it is and there’s nothing wrong with it.

The Womb Choice men are not bad or irresponsible men, although they wrongly get that label because they don’t act like the Support Choice man.  They don’t show up every time and stay present and ‘act right’.  These are men who’s contribution to society isn’t fully appreciated.  They are here to heal women and keep them from scoring too high on the crazy meter.  These men keep the stress down for these women and help their bodies feel in balance.  They cure the ovulation insanity that has made the vibrator one of the most purchased ‘household’ appliances in our history.

If you’re a woman, how you feel is one of the most important things for you to focus on.  Feminine energy is all about FEELING.  Orgasm is about FEELING.  Happiness is about FEELING and feeling is directly tied to the body and the vagina is a gateway to the deepest feeling you can obtain as a woman.  The vagina is the doorway to the heart and the heart is the gateway to mental happiness, balance, and fulfillment.  Womb Choice men tend to hold the key to activating this happiness, to feeling itself.  I’m not saying they are the ONLY way, but they are an important way and your philosophy or religion or moral values will not change that fact.  You suppressing how you feel won’t change that fact either.



“But Carl, don’t these men hurt women?!”  No they don’t.  Women who try to turn them into what they’re not hurt themselves.  Women who try to make them Support Choices hurt themselves.  Women who feel guilty about their sexual desires hurt themselves.  Women who don’t follow how they feel hurt themselves.  Women who ONLY focus on Womb Choices and not Support, Crown, and Manifestation Choices hurt themselves.  Women who try to get ALL of their needs from ONE man, one source, for their entire life hurt themselves.

Listen to your body and honor it.  Let him do what he’s going to do and be grateful you’ve found your medicine.  Just remember when you’re done taking it, to put it back on the shelf and get back to your life.

One Love,


Rakhem Seku


Leave a Comment