Top Three Reasons Modern Men Might Fear Poly Women
I was checking out this above image today – yes, it’s Beyonce with her Womb Choice™ boyfriend. Her husband, Jay-Z is her Crown Choice™ – clearly – and he is perfectly ok with Bey having other partners just as he does. I already explained how Bey’s Lemonade Video was a marker of her transition into poly. I was giggling at all the men who comment on this photo saying “nah, Bey isn’t with him, that’s just a record deal, that’s just her friend, a friend of the family…”
Bey was the only good woman left!
Of all the other mega, female, celebs, Beyonce represented the ‘good girl’ archetype. In this day and time, as the sensual feminine spirit is reviving herself through women worldwide, men want to feel that somewhere, somehow, there is ONE woman left for them who wants ONE dick for life!
Bey was that girl… or so they fantasized.
The rest – J-Lo, Angelina Jolie (clearly poly), Oprah (‘soiled’ by Lesbianism and won’t marry lol), Jada Pinkett Smith, Rihanna (poly), Janet (‘soiled’ by dirty sex cravings shared in public *grasp pearls* and BDSM), Madonna (poly, cougar), even Whitney – all of them want free form sensuality, beautiful boys, and wild feminine fun!!!
Had you noticed sweet Bey was the one who didn’t identify ANY boyfriend prior to marrying Jay-Z and seemed sideswipe her feminine wild side, in exchange for marriage and life with ne man? She appeared to be his ride or die (which seems to mean, pussy is mine and only mine) Right?
Listen darlings, feminine energy is a wild sensual force. She is Kali, the hurricane, she is Oxun, the River – without it’s dam. She is the rains and the moon, ever changing and unpredictable. And I bet you don’t know ONE woman who has wanted one dick for life. Sure, feel free to prove me wrong. Leave a comment below, I’m listening…
So, now, as Bey transitions her relationship, like all the other women celebs do, and will continue to do, the men are in stark denial. This is to be expected.
On the other hand, I take this seriously.
I empathize with men who were told – like women were – that there is a world someplace where monogamy is true! A world where love is not who we are – a communal means to connect with the great oneness – but what we DO with our genitals? In this world women are expected to fall in love with ONE man for life, and remain at the same level of passion for life!
She won’t desire variety (as men always do) and she will be a placeholder for your purest self. She will be “the one” that holds you tight even as you have gone out to sow your wild oats, unbeknownst to her, the prior night. I empathize with you because this is what you were taught to believe a good wife and lover is. But that day is done, babe. It was all fictional, bullshit either way….
The western love styles that pit women as the guardian of social chastity, is fantasy, conjecture and constructed lies from a dying culture we try desperately to hold onto. We = men and women, of course. There are women too who are shocked and appalled that Bey has a boyfriend AND a husband… (These same women know their OWN secret fantasies, but are like children thinking if they are hidden from view, they doesn’t exist lol) So there is a feeling of loss on all sides. Yes?
What’s the big deal, really? I mean, we each know ourselves at the deepest recesses of who we are. We each know from being in long term relationships, the wildness that is contained therein. And we each know the container is weak and doesn’t hold us very well… 55% divorce rate with women initiating 85% of divorces! (That’s only due to the fact women don’t cheat as often and feel they must divorce to get new dick, period. While for men, it has been culturally sanctioned for him to have more lovers outside of marriage… was a natural and expected REALITY up until 1960.)
So why not just embrace the fact that humans desire lots of love and experiences? Well – that’s a tough one. It’s our conditioned thoughts that tell us this is betrayal of love. We decide maybe it’s best to betray our human-ness and just try to fit the box created for us… Anything to avoid the pain of ending the illusion…
And too we want stability, commitment and true love. SO we set about to find it using the societal rules that rarely produce it! Gosh, what a conundrum!
There are struggles on both sides of the gender equation as the old ways fall away. I’ll give the three reasons why I think poly or the desire for more than one lover per lifetime is hard to acce, for modern men. Again, correct me if I’m skewed in my vision. I just may be a raging lunatic, after all…
Reason #1 — Men were taught that a woman’s desire for them – and solely them – validates manhood
I don’t know if this message is contained in the Church, or in our cultures media, or from parents who inadvertently teach this, but the message remains. We associate faithfulness, loyalty and devotion to what our beloved is doing with his or her genitals. Period. For modern men, this is a validation of manhood. How unfortunate as studies show that 85% of those married today would opt to have other lovers if their partners would never find out… meaning we DO NOT want to betray our partners but we DO want lots of loving!
So, does what a woman chooses for her own vagina validate a man’s manhood?
Byron Katie is a philosopher who asks the all important question “Is it true?” However I don’t know that the men are asking themselves this all important question. It seems ironic that men would let such an obvious flaw in the system slide when in fact men DO NOT want to be put into the same situation. Men do not want to be responsible for validating a woman’s womanhood – men complain, saying women who want this kind of validation are needy, co-dependent, and weak. If we want him to validate every aspect of our womanhood and make us feel whole, we are considered to be asking for too much! Right?
Why do men buck this responsibility, while at the same time making it the responsibility of what we women do with our pussies as their form of validation? Why do we not see this as an equally oppressive stance? I don’t know! Maybe we do not think too deeply as a people – maybe we need to sharpen our critical thinking skills?
But the fact remains… it’s happening on both sides.
Reason #2 — Men utilize women as symbols for the chastity they were taught to embody but clearly can’t.
When I research the history of our short stent into monogamy as a cultural norm (10k years of a 280k year history of existence as a species), I find studies that documents the reasons behind it. Monogamy was put into place by religious mediums to make it the role of women to regulate otherwise animal instincts toward sexuality that we humans display. Check it out:
We are one of the most sex oriented species on the planet having sex 1000 times per ONE birth!
Sex, for humans, is not at all simply about pro-creation. So to bury these facts and get around our humanness, the men who constructed our current a paradigm thought women should be the ones who keep a certain order in society, that we should bear the brunt of remaining chaste in order to show that our culture is civilized and not heathenistic like those who practice tantra, groups sensuality, open relating, community relating and other forms of heathenry. SO men used the art of deflection to settle the problem of human sexuality…
I think women are frankly tired of carrying it. But it’s still a great way for men to project out of themselves and onto women the very nature of humanness… making it our responsibility to keep human sexuality in check. And women? Well, we love sex, we are a highly promiscuous SPECIES, and nothing about this will change – ever. We now reject the idea that it is our responsibility to carry coyness as a cloak for the whole of society – this leads to rape culture anyways… but that’s another article for another day.
Reason #3 — Sensing the wildness of women makes men question their own power and worth
So the final reason men fear this rising poly and hold on to characaturs like Bey to hold space for their fantasy of women is that men are somewhat overwhelmed when considering the sheer power of female sexuality. The study of the female orgasm has been deeply subdued and even outlawed in many recent times! Men have some idea of the sexual voracity of women, but remain in a state of chosen denial about it…
The rise of the clitoris as a thing, the rise of women owning our breasts, butts, clits and sexuality has been highly inflammatory for men who aren’t ready to change. It’s mostly subconscious… this is a scary thing for men because they do not know how they fit into a world of highly orgasmic women, hungry for sex when culture has told them for ten centuries that women are coy, shy and slow to sex – that men are hunters. blah blah blah… lol – we all know the female lion, panther, cheetah, and tigress are the baddest hunters on the planet.
For men, living in a rape culture laden with false beliefs about female chastity is easier than living in a culture where women are forward about sex. The question becomes, can I live up to this? Do I measure up? Am I good enough – you know, the same questions women ask themselves when the culture is skewed toward men’s sexuality. LOL!
SO these things considered, I have deep empathy for men. And yes, keep your fantasy of Bey and the idea that maybe there are other good girls still remaining… but when I look at my 16 year old daughter and her pals and hear them say they have blue ovaries, desiring sensuality – when I hear them name the boys they want, without shame – I KNOW the time for this old paradigm BS is quickly ending. Everyone needs to just get ready to create something new!
Suggestion: Trust us. All is well. Embrace the coming of the new time and just know that you do have a place, role and are valued by women. I value you each and love you each – and that fact will eventually be ok with you each. Kali is infinitely patient.
Kenya K Stevens
Coach with me to move beyond the western “morality” into your own personal values and authentic expression. I support long-term married partners in safety transitioning from monogamy to polyamory.