The Feminine Is Water & Earth

“Why should her lover, just because he is male, be in a position to judge her against other women? Why must she need to know her position and hate needing to, and hate knowing? Why should his reply have such exaggerated power? And it does. He does not know that what he says will affect the way she feels when they next make love. She is angry for a number of good reasons that may have nothing to do with this particular man’s intentions. The exchange reminds her that, in spite of a whole fabric of carefully woven equalities, they are not equal in this way that is so crucial that its snagged thread unravels the rest.” ~Naomi Wolf

Why should her lover, just because he is male, be in a position to judge her against other women?  Let us think clearly for a moment on this aspect of the above quote from legendary author and woman’s advocate, Naomi Wolf.  Why should her lover, just because he is male, be in a position to judge her against other women?

Close your eyes and feel the feeling you have felt before… that you are subject to his thoughts, trapped at some obscure level of beauty, worthiness, wondering about your acceptability in his presence.  You have been there, correct?

I once had a client who asked a question in my group.  She wanted to know what to tell her lover when he asked how many men she’d “been” with prior.  She wanted to know how to hide her shame, how to tell the truth, yet keep him around, have him approve of her.

Once she asked her question and became vulnerable in that group, other women began to uncurl.  We all shared the times we have felt the need for his approval of us.  We wanted him to know us, but not every part.  For if he knew every part, our deep longing, the ways we have satisfied that longing – the very longing that he was purchasing from us with his love, that this longing be solely directed toward him – how we’ve acted upon this very natural longing in our past, before his penis has now come into play – that’s the part we want to hide from him.

We don’t want to hide our sensual selves on purpose, and it’s not that we are liars.  We want to hide this from him in order to receive his favor.  We want our numbers to appear low and our desire to seem focused on this new one in order to gain his adoration.  He’d like to tell his friends that his new lady has had few lovers… And we owe him that honor. (?)

But why don’t his past conquests – the ways he’s dealt with satisfying his very natural desires – have impact on whether or not we can love and accept him?

That is the question that The Feminine Choice Paradigm responds to.  How did men in heterosexual relationships come to exaggerate their power such that it matters what he thinks of what we’ve done with our own pussies more than it matters what he’s done with his penis?  (Not that his penis behavior matters, or should matter at all to us.  We have been taught that it should not – does not).  This magical arrangement where for men, it matters, and for women it should not, was created by flipping the natural order between vagina and penis.  This was done by reversing or perverting nature in favor – they thought – of men.

What they have learned is this reversal, the way men are trained to “hunt” and visually be captured by women, and to assert himself as her chooser and to choose women, all of it has destroyed not just love, but men.  It was intended to elevate men, yet it has lowered them.

Sure women feel the effects, we put up with the second in command position, always wondering if he approves of us, if he is still choosing us.  It is the very foundation of why women might have what social scientists call low self-esteem.  But men have suffered most.  Men have pinned themselves into a corner where sensuality is now something they have to work for, strive toward, and at least drive a BMW or BENZ to attain in large volume.


The reversal is simple.  Men, having placed themselves as chooser of women.  This means women –  the ones who will be entered during sex – are no longer considered guardians of her own gates… If she were guardian of her gates then of course, she would choose who enters.  She would not wait at the gate for those who want to enter.  She would market herself, share her garden, open her garden to the public as she deems fit.  After all, it is her garden.  She would open on her terms and choose who and when to open to.  It would then be up to men to choose back – and to enter her garden giving the offering required at the gate.

But what does choosing look like?  Currently as men are in the choosing position, it looks like the heckling and cat calling men do when women walk by – men observing asses, commenting and asking to enter – sometimes, well, too often, demanding to enter.  It looks like a man on his knee (imagine that) asking for her hand in marriage, saying “I have chosen you”.  It looks like women objectified and on display – not because she is magnetic and marketing herself as she pleases, to satisfy her own personal needs, or she wants to display her body for her own pleasure and love her sensuality – but because she is weary and needs right now to be chosen.  It is because she is afraid to NOT be chosen.  It is because if she is not chosen properly, by a proper man, she will be relegated to fulfilling her needs as any low whore would, with many men whom have not chosen her, but whom SHE has chosen to feed her in that moment – men who do not respect her femininity.  Yes.  Currently only husbandless, skanks, choose men.  And that has been the arrangement, on purpose.  No mistakes there.

I wonder if anyone can feel this?  I wonder if anyone will know this, in my lifetime and use this practically?  I have been writing about and speaking about the Feminine Choice Paradigm for many years.  Many men have taken issue with this.  These same men are still not being fed, still trying to be the first chooser, still making himself falsely seem most important in terms of directing the way women must be for him to be comfortable.

How are humans who have seeds to plant and sunshine to nourish plants – but no gardens, or soil, or water – choosing where to plant themselves?  If I have soil, water and gardens to be planted – wouldn’t I choose what seed will go here?  Wouldn’t I open my gates and say – here is some Earth, come to me…?

For those who are younger it’s this way.  If I have a computer and money to buy goods.  Shall I wait for the goods to choose me as their buyer, or shall I, as the one with the resources to choose what to buy – what to plant into my home, furniture, clothing, even which seeds to order for my waiting soil, shouldn’t I choose what to buy?

Yes, men have been hurt by this arrangement, and so have women.  Because I love men – and women – I continue the message and it will not stop.  Women are choosers of men, first choosers.  Men choose back, if they so please.  Men are the object of sex, women are the subject of sex.  Men should never have been placed in such a compromising position as to presume he is choosing first and that she should comply to his wishes or else he may trample the garden and plant his seed either way – or at least spit on the garden.  That is not the natural order and that very small misnomer has shown us a world where relationships are a struggle, rather than simply a sweet challenge leading to growth, and laden with heavy bliss and flowery love.

I will teach my daughter and my sons this…

Please do share your thoughts


Kenya K Stevens, CEO

JujuMama llc



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