As most people know, I’m a big Karrine Steffans fan because of her intellectual understanding of the struggle of the feminine and her uncanny ability to articulate it.  I even wrote a blog post about it.  Once again, big ups to her for the positive work she’s doing in educating the world about the African American woman’s struggle and history and freeing women from being tormented for their sexuality.

You can read my article about Karrine HERE.
Always love and respect you for all you’ve done and will continue to do.


That said, there’s a difference between theory and application. 
There’s a reason why men stay away from certain women when it comes to dating or marriage.  I’m talking about women who don’t understand what it means to be married or have a partner for richer or poorer, through sickness and health.  Yes, those words are important.  I’m talking about women who don’t get that marriage and your husband are to be protected at all times no matter what’s happening in the relationship.  No matter what challenges you happening to be having.  Women who don’t understand that protecting your husband’s and family’s brand is of utmost importance and that even in times of extreme challenge, you have the wherewithal and moral code in your heart and brain to understand this simple fact.
Karrine’s husband apparently cheated on her and for that she put him on blast for the entire world to see.  She threw his clothes all over the house and went hard verbally and emotionally on him.  Throwing clothes, tearing up the house, yelling, hitting, fighting, etc isn’t really a problem in marriage. If you’re married then you’ll understand what I’m saying.  Even calling the police or getting family involved is cool when necessary.  It comes with the territory in relationships.  As a love and relationship coach – I’ve seen it all.  As someone who’s been married for twenty years – I’ve experienced it all.  I’ve wilded out.  My wife has wilded out.  We’ve done the reality TV thing for real, for real and gotten as petty as you can image.  But through all of that, my wife has protected me and our union.  Through all of that, I have protected her and our union.  Why?  Because shit happens.  People fight, but that’s no reason to destroy one another’s brand and image in the general public; especially, when your money comes from your brand.  You only do that when the divorce gets ugly and the kids are taking the brunt of the disagreement.  Or maybe when the physical or emotional violence reaches a maximum peak, but six months into a marriage, none of these scenarios are the case.
Karrine has been called a lot of names from ‘typical’, ‘old paradigm’ men in this society and for mostly the wrong reasons.  For mostly because of their insecurity and sexual fears.  I don’t believe she’s a hoe or a slut or any of that.  I don’t even believe in those concepts.  I don’t believe she can’t be a wife or a lover or a business woman or a representative of what’s possible for African-American women when it comes to liberating themselves from their own mental oppression.  I love her for how she’s lived her life and her choices in men.  Do you and know that some of us (me especially) will never judge you for it.
However, I will say that you’ve given these same men, and society at large, fuel to not only label you as a woman who should have never been trusted as a wife, but also to uphold the stereotypes of promiscuous and sexually free women.  These same men will continue to dog Columbus Short as a weak man who must have been pussy whipped to even consider wedding a ‘video vixen’.  That his game is weak.  Trust me – this event will be used as a test case for years to come.  Now maybe if Karrine wasn’t so outspoken about the validity of women’s choices and their ability to fuck who they want AND be the wife who will protect you then this wouldn’t have been a big deal.  If she’s not attempting to be the face of the free women’s liberation movement then cool.
Finding Male Sexuality Promo Cover v4
What about Columbus cheating?  Sure, he fucked up.  No skills.  No common sense to do some dumb shit six months (or less) into a marriage to a high profile women that the world is watching and judging every day.  No sensitivity to who his wife is and the immense pressure she’s under carrying the banner of educating women on their sexuality.  Not smart.  Not strategic.  No integrity.  No manhood.  My advice to him is to get some skills and stand up for what you believe and don’t attempt to sneak around on a woman who co-wrote the game and knows more players and ballers than 95% of women on the planet.  She’s seen it all and done it all.  There’s no trick she hasn’t seen or used her damn self.  There no trick most of the players she’s dated haven’t shared with her as she’s been the ‘side chick’ so many times before, which is part of what’s fueling her women’s empowerment stance in the first place.  She’s probably the best counter-puncher in the game when it comes to men being players.  This dude (Columbus) needs to seriously get a clue.
That said Karrine, cheating is common in monogamous marriages.  It happens more than exclusive people care to admit, but it’s no where near a reason to put your husband – that YOU chose on blast. Low class – sorry.  I know it hurts to find out the man you trusted cheated on you.  I truly empathize with that.  But this post is about compartmentalizing your anger and outrage and prioritizing wife-hood above your personal feelings.  Once you get married, it’s not about you.  That’s a concept that seems to be hard for singles to get.  They only see the fantasy of marriage, but are totally unwilling to make changes or do the work required to maintain them. 
The institution of marriage means something and in this case Columbus violated one of those sacred, agreed upon tenets, but so did you Karrine.  Two wrongs don’t make a right.  The world will never look at him the same again.  He’ll never have the respect of men, if he ever did to begin with.  For most men, his respect completely eroded when he married you to begin with.  Brothers all over the Internet were just shaking their heads.  This is why holmes.   Check my book out, I think it will help:
 The respect of other men may not be a big deal to you, but it actually is.  No woman wants to be with a man who carries shame and has no respect from his peers.  Trust me, you’ll feel it.  You’ll lose your attraction – that’s if you plan on staying with him.
I’m just trying to help.  I’m carrying a heavy hand, only because I care and respect your work.
I’m wishing you both a speedy recovering and hope this isn’t the end of the marriage.
Love and Peace to you both.
Rakhem Seku (Carl E. Stevens, Jr.)
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