One of the biggest lessons I learned about relationships, family, and life is LOVE must be chosen. In other words, I must choose LOVE as opposed to waiting for LOVE to choose me. I guess I spent much of my life expecting life to come get me and make me feel a certain way. I expected THE woman to capture my heart. I expected that person to earn my trust and welcome me into the halls of friendship. I was approaching life backwards.
I have to choose LOVE. I have to choose to LOVE others if I want to see LOVE show up in my life. LOVE has no obligation to me. LOVE was here before I was born and it will be here when I’m gone. It’s funny listening to people who think they are entitled to LOVE. They sound like the people who believe they are entitled to money or happiness or marriage. It doesn’t work like that. The only thing you’re entitled to in life is to make choices that will ultimately create your life one day at a time.
I hope that makes sense to everyone. I hope everyone realizes that everything in our universe is alive and has energy and a consciousness. Nothing in the world is obligated to you any more than you’re obligated to it. If you want something, you need to build a relationship with it. You need to speak it’s language and then maybe it will break bread with you. Still no guarantees on when, how, or what it looks like though.
What is LOVE? If you really want to break bread with LOVE you’ll have to start with its highest principle.
“LOVE is giving seeking nothing in return.”
Let me explain that in case this principle is elusive or too cliche to think deeply about. To demonstrate LOVE on the highest level means you are giving to others and the world without the expectation of renumeration. I’m not just talking about renumeration from the person you’ve given too, but from anyone at any time. It’s kind of crazy if you think about it because it contradicts everything we were taught in this capitalistic society. The capitalistic principle is
“Give NOTHING, without a guarantee of maximum possible remuneration.”
That’s how we’re trained whether you buy into capitalism or not. We’re used to bill collectors penalizing us for not returning what was given plus interest. We’re used to not giving waiters full tips unless our dining experience was tops. We’re used to not being able to leave the store with the full shopping cart when the credit card is declined. We’re used to the water being shut off when remuneration is not returned to the water company. We’re used to cutting back people who aren’t doing enough for us. We’re used to ending relationships for the same reason – “What have you done for me lately?!”
I said, you have to break bread with LOVE if you want her in your life, which means you have to start living her highest principle if you expect her to even look at you. You have to LOVE to LOVE before she’s willing to embrace you and bless your life. It is what it is. It’s not my law, it’s just the way it works. *shrugs*
If you’re giving seeking something in return, you’re not choosing LOVE, you’re choosing capitalism.
What does capitalism look like in relationships? The same way it looks in you financial life. The bill collectors call and nag at you wanting their money and your attention. Partners who aren’t loving each other nag one another too and manipulate one another for attention and favor. Bill collectors penalize you for being late with a payment and so does a partner in a capitalistic relationship. That partner wants that call on time. They want the timely text. They expect you to show up a certain way and a certain frequency else prepare to be penalized – late fees, interest charges, and decreased credit limits and spending freedoms. But don’t worry; if you act right long enough you can get your privileges restored to where they were before you were penalized. Credit card companies want you to show them the money (i.e. credit scores and financial history) before they are willing to give you anything. This is not much different from the expectations people have of potential partners – show me the money, what’s your sexual history, have you dated any of my friends? I’m having a hard time remembering which is which, maybe because they are so similar.
Are you in a LOVEism or a CAPITALism? Which one are you dancing most closely with? Well, there’s an easy way to tell, like the late Robin Harris said, “Look around, look around.”
See that? This whole time you thought you were looking for LOVE when in reality you were looking for renumeration and a credit line. And look, no judgment from me. I LOVE capitalism. I LOVE money. The difference with me is I don’t pass off my capitalistic nature as my loving nature. I don’t claim to seek LOVE when all I’m seeking is favor, personal advantage, and happiness through receiving – compliments, sex, attention, specialness, entitlement, status, etc. Is that because I’m better at it than you? Nope. I just got tired of getting the lumps and bumps in life and claiming it was LOVE shafting me, when it was me shafting me. Nothing worse than shafting yourself. *ouch*
If you really want LOVE in your life, consider choosing her and talking her language. You may be surprised at what you’ll find waiting for you on the other side.